Maybe It's Hate, Probably It's Love

So the winter "cold" has dissapated in LA and left a faint whisper of a chill that's making it feel very fall-like. The leaves showering down around us adds to the feeling. As someone who lacks air conditioning I'm afraid to say it, but it's almost summer in LA. (Not that it was every really winter, we had two or so weeks in there when it got down to 39, our heat kicked out and the neighbors shaved their cat, but that was the coldest it ever got.)

I've been procrastinating all day from writing my resume. In all of my "adult" life (I feel as much an adult as LA feels the "cold") I've never had such a strong urge to throw my years of struggling and experience out the window and take up botany or street music or run home to my mom.

Dad told me last night not to let my emotions confuse the issue when assessing my deal at work. Easy said but almost impossible to do. Especially in today's world our jobs ARE our lives, we work longer hours than ever, the idea of working 9-5 is a joke. (I have friends who bartered those kind of hours and are considered to work PART-TIME.) We throw all of our hearts, minds and energy into moving up and moving forward (at least I did and I don't think I'm alone.) I even read some article today about a stylist who was quote as saying "What do I care, I'm 32, I don't have a boyfriend and I don't have children, why WOULDN'T I work all the time?!" Ummmm... maybe so you can fine time to FIND a boyfriend or HAVE children? But who am I to judge, I've basically done the same thing in my life and many of my friends have as well. We're having families much later than our parents, although sometimes I wonder if it is really by choice as we tell ourselves, or also because of need and circumstance. We chose to move to big cities and chose careers in intense, cut throat areas - neither of this things lend themselves to having the time, the money or the resources to have children and families. The people who seem to jump into it first mostly have families and parents close by to help financially and with babysitting.

Any way this is all running through my head as a accept (or don't accept) the deal at work - is it enough money to get us started, is it moving me forward fast enough that I will reach my goals before I have children, does that matter, I don't know...

All right I have to force myself out of this brain freeze and get going...